Monday, December 28, 2009

Twas the Night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

Maggie was tucked in, all snug in her bed,
While visions of dead vegans danced in her head.
Jess in her teddy, Irekq in the buff,
Having just made love Jess had had enough.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Irekq jumped from the bed, he knew what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
There were some PETA fools he would have to SMASH!

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to the mongrels below.
When, what to his knowing eyes should appear,
But 8 stupid vegans attacking the sleigh, wanting to "free" the reindeer.

Out the window, so lively and quick,
Irekq knew in a moment he must save St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his fists and feet came,
And calmly he stated, "You villains are lame."

Now Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen!
Were not held against their will at all.
Irekq will BASH AWAY! BASH AWAY! All.

As dried blood leaves a trail that none can deny
When Irekq fights vegans of course they will die.
So down from the house-top their bodies they flew,
He must slain  the attackers, and save St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, Jess heard on the roof
The begging and pleading of each little goof.
As he drove a fist into one vegans face, and then turned around,
Irekq saw that St Nicholas was gagged and bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
His bundle of toys were flung from his back,
Irekq then knew he must get those toys back!

His eyes-how they twinkled! Irekq so merry!
For the dead scoundrels of  PETA Maggie would bury!
This troll little vegan was drawn and quartered just for show,
His blood ran freely on the fresh fallen snow.

The stump an arm was used to knock out some teeth,
And one vegans entrails were used as a wreath.
His foot went through one vegans belly,
Irekq then laughed at pile bowels shaking like a bowel full of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
Irekq then smiled when he saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon Santa knew that he had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And spilled all the gray matter of one PETA jerk.
And crashing his fist into the side ones nose,
Then giving a boot to the nuts, into the sky he rose!

Santa was sprong from his bonds, to his team gave a whistle,
And away Santa flew like a cruse missile.
But Irekq heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and Damn what a fight!"

Friday, December 4, 2009

The will be no more months. All time will be recorded as the number of day in the Vinember of that year.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Sunday the 182 day of Vinember Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu with Cultural Chairman in tow graced the Philadelphia Convention Center with his presence. He had aloud some of the greatest artists and writers of our time to put on a show for him and the Chairman.

Tom Savini ( I do not use this word lightly) Master of F/X make-up was given the privilege of meeting Master Irekq and his Cultural Chairman. He was honored the the Chairman took time to see him, but the fact that he was able to kiss the hand of Master Irekq was the culmination of his life's dreams.

As every great leader had an inspiration for his life's work so did Master Irekq. A writer who in Master Irekq's fact ( He does not have opinions his words are facts ) the greatest writer of all time. His works have served as a base guide line for Master Irekq's manifesto and have helped him to save the lives of many of the worlds profane. This man is Maxx Brooks.( Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z ) Maxx was so pleased to see Master Irekq that he begged to have a picture taken with him. The gracious man that he is Master Irekq granted this request and signed it for him. The Chairman was moved by the happiness that this had brought Maxx, both Maxx and the Chairman had tears of joy in their eyes.

There were many other talented authors and infiltrators and toy makers all clambering to have there works seen by Master Irekq and his Chairman that a deli counter type ticket machine had to be employed. Have no fear all were seen and few of the works were not up to the Chairman and by default Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu's standards. Those few were burned on sight never to disgrace the earth again, the creators of said works were beaten for the time that they had wasted in making suck trash.

Humbling Thunder

As it is public knowledge that Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu is a wilderness survival expert, he still likes to humble himself by taking lessons from others. Thus the Trip to Mountain Shepherd Survival School, disguised ofcorce as to not intimidate the instructor a man named Reggie Bennett. Reggie was an instructor of the United States Military S.E.R.E. training and program given to all pilots as well as the different branches Special Forces (Rangers , Seals, Ect). That being said Mr. Bennett is well qualified to teach a course on the subject of survival to the average person and to give Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu a nice refresher.

All would have been fine, nice relaxing 4 days of sleeping under the stars cooking over a campfire and watching Reggie teach your run of the mill white collar how to tie knots and make fire. But, as the saying goes “No rest for the wicked” PETA will not allow a moments rest for our protagonist thus the relaxing 4 day jaunt turned into 4 days of terror for the others of the survival class and just another bunch of Veggie Protein eating miscreants the will not see another dawn for daring to muddle in the affairs of Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu.

The day started like you would imagine it would 5 strangers meeting their instructor and each other for the first time. Reggie introduced himself and asked how everyone was feeling; he did not want to take someone who is sick in to the wild and have their condition worsen making them a liability. After the group proclaiming that their health was good Bennett ask who has any medical training, normally Master Irekq would have the most knowledge of the subject but he was the as a profane and would differ to the instructor.

What happened next was not a surprise to Irekq but more like a “You have got to be kidding me!” moment for he now has to not only slaughter the herbivorous marauders of a PETA Death squad but he must also save the lives of the others in his group as well as the instructor. Well as you may have guessed once the group had arrived and their campsite so 100 miles from the nearest outhouse. The first shot was fired tearing almost in two the left shoulder of the 30 something school teacher who taking the course with her husband. As she screamed in agony the others hit the dirt.

The pain of a 7.62 mm (308 Remington) exploding threw ones shoulder is not to be taken lightly Irekq knows this pain having shot himself so that he would be able to show some compassion to who ever had the discourtesy of being shot in his presence. Reggie screams “STAY DOWN!! And someone put pressure on that wound.” Looking into Reggie’s eyes Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu speaks volumes about the situation. “You’re Him. Aren’t you? “is Reggie’s query. With a nod Master Irekq tells Mr. Bennett to wait for his signal then to make off the same direction of the first shot.

Understanding his purpose now Reggie will see to it that the others in the group are well hidden and safe for the carnage that is about to unfold. With the grace of a swan and an uncanny amount of speed and agility Master Irekq heads for the reprobate that just shot a woman in the back. Quickly he is spotted, the offender is 600 yards atop the adjacent ridge not a bad shot. The sniper was removed from his perch by the camping axe Master Irekq torpedoed into his shin. Taking his cue Reggie along with the others in the party help the injured woman by carrying her in the underbrush to better address her wound. The bullet went through the dainty frame of the woman and was bleeding profusely an application of Quick Clot and a pressure dressing has the team on the way to disappearing from sight. Normally Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu would want to keep them with him to keep them safe, but Reggie Bennett Mountain Shepherd would keep them hidden and tend to their fragile minds.

Once he was upon the despicable disgrace of a human Master Irekq asked “How many?” applying pressure to the head of the axe sticking out of his shin. “Arrrrghhh!” was the only reply. Again the question “How many?” is put forth this time it is punctuated with the camping axe being ripped from the blackguards one shin and plunged into his other. The number 6 is what is heard. “Is that including you?” Master Irekq queries. “. “Yes!” whimpers this sad creature. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu nods and says “5” as the camping axe relieves the neck of the burden of his head.

Like all normal healthy people Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu has an interest in firearms so looking over this would be assassin’s weapon and knowing it to be Mauser 86 SR sniper rifle made in Germany he has an idea. After all it is hunting season. Over the course of the next 3 days Master Irekq toys with the others sent to kill him putting a bullet into their empty, thoughtless Vegan brains. Who does not like a little target practice?

Finding Reggie and the others held up in a very discretely hidden shelter some 7 miles from where it all began Master Irekq informs the group that it is all going to be ok the villain who shot the woman will no longer burden the Earth with his useless existence. No questions were asked as Master Irekq’s demeanor answered any they might have had. They knew he had done what needed to be done. Reggie of course wanted to refund the groups money but they all seemed to think that someone getting shot not withstanding this was a once in a life experience and was worth the price. As a whole the 5 men and one woman in took a vow of silence on the subject never to speak of it again.

Well there you go Ingrid you did so something good after all. Maybe there is so hope for you yet? VIVA LA BEEF!!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Humble Thunder

The course I took in Virginia was a blast. The instructor (Reggie Bennett) really knew his stuff. I learned a lot and confirmed what it is that I thought I knew. Reggie was an instructor of S.E.R.E. (Survival Evasion Resistance Escape) training which is what every pilot and the different (Rangers & Seals, ect.) Special Forces go through. He had told us from the start that four days does not an expert make, admitting that he is still learing something new everyday.

He said the four days he had with us he would give us the basic tools in a kind of crash course but there is a lot to know so you should never go out with out being prepared. He instructed us in the Seven Priorities of Survival which are positive mental attitude, first aid, shelter, fire craft, signaling, water, and food. The knot tying was funny there were at least three of the knots that he taught us I had been doing for a long time but I did knot know that they had real names.

I did sleep in a shelter and bed that I had made from leaves and yes it was cold. I was instructed on snaring animals from a squirrel to a deer, how to find the proper place to set the traps and what to set them with. He went over what you should never go hiking and or camping with out just in case. I had a ball.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Disaster Knives??

I was reading Blade (not the half vampire) magazine, it is a magazine about knives and knife makers. Hey, I know what you thinking “Are you kidding me? A knife magazine? “. You are most likely not surprised that I was reading such a magazine but, the fact that there is one. Anyway there was an article on “Disaster Knives” suggested that not only that you have a “Disaster Knife” but that you should also have an assortment of cutlery, different knives for different needs. Now what they are calling a disaster knife is nothing more a chisel tipped dive knife. The article also states that the rescue community has also embraced this type of knife for the reason that it is quite a useful tool, I will explain.
The knife is full tang (one sold piece of metal) in it construction with a serrated back edge and as I said has a chisel tip about an inch in width. The bottom of the handle has a striking point on its pommel, allowing you to hit it with something without destroying the handle. What is it good for? You may ask. You can split small timber for firewood and because of most of them are made out of tool steal they can be used as a pry bar. On the one that I have is about 5 ½ inches so it is a descent size blade but by no means a Bowie.
The reason I bring that up fact that it is a dive knife is that “Disaster Knives” seem to cost a little more. Funny how if the word disaster is put on something’s title and the cost goes up. Example , if you were to look up a first aid kit for your home it would cost one thing but if you were to find a “Disaster First Aid Kit” with the same things in it more than likely it will cost more. I will be bringing said Disaster Knife with me on my trip to Virginia to give it a try.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Rules of Engagement

1. SELF DEFENSE HAS NO RULES - In a life or death situation rules go right out the window. You need to use everything at your disposal to stop your attacker. Eye gouging, biting, throat strikes, & groin attacks are all the standard fight techniques of Vinjitzu . That is what it takes to win!

2. Don’t Put yourself in Bad situations – Avoiding conflict is just common sense, but all too often people seem to forget this most basic of rules.. Remember you do not have the skills of Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu so to truly defend yourself means to avoid the conflict in the first place.

3. Confidence -The study of Vinjitzu will aid you with this. Believe it or not an attacker can smell your fear from a mile away, criminals are experts at picking the right victim. Criminals tend to go after people who they feel are weak and or vulnerable to attack.

4. Stay Aware – Vinjas are experts at body language. How an aggressor is standing, looking or motioning can give you clues as to what he is about to do.

5. Control the situation – Don’t react, ACT. The person who can control the situation is usually the person that will come out on top.

6. Hurt them first – If a fight is unavoidable, hurt them first and hurt them bad. Your goal is to destroy your attacker physically and defeat anyone who may be thinking about joining the fight.

7. Get Away - As soon as you can, get away….. Far away!
Don’t let your ego get you killed; remember if you’re dead you didn’t win the fight.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Fighter pilots have a concept known as an OODA loop that helped the US develop the top Air Force in the world. Basically, they figured out that pilot in a dogfight all went through the same mental process:





Furthermore, they found out that in a dogfight the pilot who went through the 4 steps the fastest won the majority of engagements. How’s this applied to surviving a disaster in an urban environment? Well, the faster you can go through the process of observing, orienting, deciding, and acting in a survival situation, the more likely you will be to survive. "Chance favors the prepared mind".

Defination of Zombie

You see, "zombie" is code for the masses of unprepared people who wander about in a daze after natural and manmade disasters. They loot, steal, and do whatever they have to survive. They aren't necessarily infections, undead, or wrapped in burial clothes, but some are. And will be just as dangerous. It's just that when people get hungry, thirsty, tired and desperate, their ability to think rationally disappears, just like the real zombies. History shows us that this will manifest itself in the form of violence against people who have food, water, or other needed supplies. And don't think you'll be able to call the police or EMS in a disaster situation. You're on your own. Why? Because it is all part of PETA's plan and law enforcement and first responders are going to be swamped. Most cities have between 1 non-administrative officer per 1000 people and 1 officer per 10,000 people on duty at one time plus some of them will be bitten and lessen their numbers. That works when people WANT to follow the law, and you only have 1 out of 10,000 people breaking the law at a given time, but disaster situations open the door for people who are on the fence about whether or not to follow the law. In addition, if you do have a violent encounter during or after a disaster situation, you probably won't get medical help and most likely become a real zombie. Again, first responders are stretched thin during good times...with about the same ratio; fire/rescue will be real busy. You see, "zombie" is code for the masses of unprepared people who wander about in a daze after natural and manmade disasters and flesh eating garbage disposals. They loot, steal, and eat your brains to survive. It's just that when people get hungry, thirsty, tired and desperate, their ability to think rationally disappears. History shows us that this will manifest itself in the form of violence against people who have food, water, or other needed supplies.

Security strategies that you can put into place today to help keep you from being a target of thieves, looters, and mindless soulless undead in a disaster situation, but I want to share a few of them with you today. One of the best ways to help law enforcement and first responders in a disaster situation is to do everything possible to make sure they don't have to spend their time taking care of you. The simple list way to do this is to make sure that you and your house aren't as good of a target as your neighbors' houses. Pure and simple, hiding your preparations will go a long way towards protecting you from attack.

1. Look at your garage with the eyes of a thief, looter and carnivorous decease after a disaster. If your survival/camping/food supplies are visible, move or camouflage them.

2. Be careful about where you talk about your disaster preparations, who you talk to about them, and what you disclose. Always try to disclose LESS of your preparations than what you have really done.

3. Make sure your supplies are not centralized/visible in your house. There's no reason for repair men, babysitters, friends, kids' friends, or anyone else to know how much "stuff" you've got. Again, hide your supplies or store them in multiple locations.

4. Follow basic home security guidelines, like getting a dog, motion

Monday, November 2, 2009

Parental Block

As is my charge to protect and serve humanity from heathens and scoundrels the world over, I have uncovered another design of subjugation. This time it is an attack on our youth more precisely teenage girls. The name of this intrigue is "Twilight ".

This " Twilight " is nothing more than an another attempt to physically weaken the body of the youth. Girls first and subsequently the young males. The plan is that of convincing them that a "Vegetarian " can be cool and have super powers. " Vegetarians "are the only people capable of romance. Thus part of the plan that affects young males.

What would a young male not do to be with a girl? So, no meat no fish there you go weak and stupid teenagers. This time PETA is just being brazen in their pursuit of world domination. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of the Vinjitzu will abolish this scheme. I will not allow them to rule. This I promise. VIVA LA BEEF!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The 285 th Day of Vinember

The alarm went off (Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu never needs an alarm to wake up. His senses are so acute that he just knows. This alarm is for this consort.) And Jess gracefully tapped the snooze button. She is so cute when she does that. Anyway, the time was 6:30 am and Jess had to shower and get ready for work. Her job at the hospital is a cover, not that he needs it but she aids Master Irekq in his endeavor to obliterate the malignant parasites of PETA. You see if the citizens of the mindless machine knew of the struggle between Master Irekq and the obscene and corrupt libertines bent on oppression of free will and world conquest, there would be mass hysteria and panic. The throngs of doltish sheep happy to settle down on their couches in snuggies and have their minds slowly sapped of all that is decent and conscientious by So You Think You can Dance, cannot handle the truth that the piece loving hinny biters of PETA are vile and impudent wretches. I digress.

6:39 am 285 th day of Vinember my consort is placing her dainty fingers on the snooze button for a second time. When the alarm goes off the third time she gets up turns it off and walks to the shower. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu almost omniscient in his conscious and unconscious state senses something amiss. Maggie the ferocious companion of Master Irekq acknowledges the irritation and is excited. That dog loves lacerate the backsides of veggie-protein eating simpletons who dare to encroach upon her masters domain.

Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu takes pleasure in watching carnivorous canine "Play". Springing out of his bed walking downstairs his consort sees his Herculean form and begs him to take to her bed. "I have to let the dog out. I will be right there." She can never control her appetite for him. Maggie is waiting not so patiently at the front door. With the door ajar she rockets off the porch to the undercarriage of the Consorts Jeep. A quick faint scream of terror and then silence. "Take it out back, and stay." Master Irekq tells the dog. Maggie does as her master commands as he closes the door. In the bed room door Jess asks "What was that noise?" she really did not care consumed by the hunger the all women feel when they behold the majesty that is Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu in the buff.

"It is 11:00, you are late." Master Irekq tells his consort "I am a little worn out but I can go in if you think I should.”." No, get some rest dearest. I have to go outside and see what they tried to do to the Jeep this time." Maggie has the emaciated vegan criminal half eaten. We let her eat them for they are not human. To be human you must have some semblance of honor, a bomb to the consort’s car is by no means Honorable. "I will have to get her shots now. Who knows what that mentally defective cretin has." he thinks.
Yet another piece of compost for the back yard. Ingrid.. Ingrid.. Ingrid will you never learn. VIVA LA BEEF!!!!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Write it Down

Cheap...Survival is NOT a luxury reserved for the rich. A good plan should be
effortless in is deployment with a little training, Studying, supplies and...

* Compatible with Your Current Living Situation.
* Easily Usable By Your Family If You Can't Lead Them.
* Adaptable In Case You Miss Your Window to Relocate
* Sustainable If the Emergency Is Long Term
* Reversible If You Jump the Gun.
* Written Down, So You Aren’t Relying on Memory When You’re Operating under Stress and Without Sleep.

Does this sound right to you? How is your current survival plan stacking up? Plus, your survival plan should work in real life situations, including:

* You're 1,000 miles away on a business trip when "it" happens.
* Your kids are on a school trip when it's time to bug out.
* Traveling by car is not an option.
* One of your family is injured and can't travel.
* You have a baby or have to take care of an elderly parent when "it" happens.
* The emergency build-up is gradual and there's no clear signal. (Like a rash people attacking and biting)

This is one of the ugly realities of our situation today...Most families won't leave urban areas in time because they can't afford leaving early and being wrong. That is why you should listen to me now because when "it" happens I will not be around. Do not confuse "survival" with "primitive living", which are two completely different skill sets. I pity the fool who decides to grind wheat and bake bread 21 days into an urban survival situation. That smell will draw the "zombies" in from blocks away and hunger will be the least of his problems!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Lions, Tigers, and Bears. No Problem


Native to the northern regions of the US and of Canada (the Algonqian tribes - Ojiway, Cree) Windigo is the result of starvation. The creature often appears emaciated and scarred by frostbite. Some legends claim the creature is a human driven to the state by hunger and perhaps isolation. These humans can shape-shift into the Windigo shape. Others see him as an actual demon and instead of looking starved, he's huge and hairy with enormous feet. Either way, he has a horrible stench that turns stomachs.

He will eat anything, including human flesh. In fact, that is what he craves, once he has partaken of it. He is dangerous with great strength.

How do you kill a Windigo? Well, here the story sometimes becomes mixed up with werewolf legends and silver bullets. But, in fact, the only way to destroy a Windigo is to burn him. You see, once he becomes a Windigo, whether by shape shifting or because he is a demon, his heart turns to a chunk of ice, and this must be melted to destroy the beast.


The legend of the werewolf is one of the most ancient and wide spread. Stories of werewolves can be found as far back as history has been written. These shape-shifter myths can be found all over the word from China to Iceland and Brazil to Haiti.

The name Werewolf most likely derives from Old English wer (or were) and wulf. The first part, wer, translates as "man" (in the sense of male human, not the race of humanity). It has cognates in several Germanic languages including Gothic wair, Old High German wer and Old Norse var, as well as in other Indo-European languages, such as Latin vir, Lithuanian vyras and Welsh gwr, which have the same meaning.

The second half, wulf, is the ancestor of modern English "wolf"; in some cases it also had the general meaning "beast". An alternative etymology derives the first part from Old English weri (to wear); the full form in this case would be glossed as wearer of wolf skin.

In some cases, the werewolf is portrayed as being invincible and nearly indestructible, with decapitation of its head and removal of its heart as the only surefire way to kill one. In other superstition the weapon of choice is the silver bullet, and other weapons made of silver.


From very early times there have been reports and tales of vAn undead that rises from the grave during the night to drink the blood of the living in order to stay "alive". Generally the word "undead" refers to a creature that should be dead but is still active within the realm of the living.

There are some variations, where the vampire is traditionally killed with a wooden stake through the heart, some say you have to stake a vampire with a stake of silver or stake him through the heart in addition to other methods. Vampires don't like fire. One way to kill a vampire would be to light them on fire and burn them completely to ashes. They must be burned to ashes or else they will heal themselves and you will be their next victim.


Shoot them in the head.

These are the majarity of what you will run into. I can kill any thing, ask me and I will tell you.

Drive By

I turned forward, and a few seconds later, I turned back again. Now he's standing behind a big bush, partially concealed, watching us.

I mention the fact to Adam, and he turns and looks, and is immediately on edge. "Why would they be looking at us?!"

"I know... let's just keep walking." I said. PETA has resorted to street thugs.

Well, we walked for another 1/4 mile north, turned west, walked for a block, and were walking south again. I had just began to think it was nothing, when here comes a white Olds toward us. They must had driven south, turned west, and turned north.

We kept walking, but I made eye contact again as they drove by. I was walking as confidently as I could- hoping to project the idea that they should just keep driving. I'm 5'10" and 170lbs of Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu I was hoping that was enough...

They drove past, and all four of them stared hard at us. Gulp.

"Adam, did you see those guys staring?" I asked, sounding confident.

"YES! What is the deal?!" He said. He wasn't scared, but bewildered.

After two or three seconds, I turned, a regretful sigh and here we go again crossed my mind.

The Olds was stopped right in the middle of their lane, about 50 yards behind us, and the passenger was leaning out his window STARING at us. I mean... his whole upper half was leaning out of that car window. I made sure he wasn't holding a gun or anything (not that it matters), and turned to Adam:

"Dude, they are stopped, check it out."

Adam turned, and quickly turned back again, saying "You must be bad luck! I've NEVER had anything like that happen here, and I jog on this trail all the time! Let's hurry and get the heck home!"

We kept walking, and I turned back 5 seconds later, same thing. 5 more seconds later, and the car had drive another 50 yards to a stop sign, and was stopped with its right blinker on- except the passenger was still staring back at us.

The second the car broke the corner and disappeared, we broke into a jog, crossed the street, and took a different path home.

WHEW....I am a body language expert. These guys obviously didn't want to be noticed- nobody with bad intentions ever does. So Adam never has an issue, because no bad-guys (wolves) deem him to be a threat- they can tell that he's harmless (a sheep).

But you set off their own radars, because you noticed them. This is why armed citizens almost encourage attacks in some ways- because the bad guys pick up on their defiant waves, and they almost see it as a challenge." The cell phone trick. If someone is sneaking up behind you, you don't want to turn around and confront them, because then they'll be pushed to act. The same thing applies here! You can look at them to see what they are doing, but you have to look at them in a way that won't trip their radar.

So I pull my phone out of my pocket pretending to make a call (an attack is less likely you if you are on a phone talking to someone.) The car sped up and kept going and no blood was shed

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Who's coming with me?

Copy and Paste the application form then email it to me, if want to be considered to have the honor of joining my legion.

1. What is your favorite snack?

A. Um, I'm on a diet

B. (nibbling on arm) Just whatever is laying around.

C. Chocolate anything yum.

D. Peanut butter gummy worms

E. Chips or something. Why do you care?

F. Cookies

G. Tuna fish

2. When do you feel your best?

A. In the morning

B. During the afternoon & early evening

C. Late at night

3. When talking to people you...

A. stand with your arms folded.

B. have your hands clasped

C. have one or both hands on your hips

D. touch or push the person to whom you are talking to

E. play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair.

4. When relaxing, you sit with...

A. your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

B. your legs crossed

C. your legs stretched out or straight

D. one leg curled under you

5. Your friend catches you talking to yourself. What do you say to them?

A. You ignore her and continue talking to yourself.

B. You say you were talking to your invisible friend.

C. Meow...wanna play?

D. Hum.... Shh...I'm trying some new yoga fondue techniques.

E. Go away! I'm busy!

F. You invite her to join into the conversation.

G. You blush, horribly embarrassed and say your friend just left a minute ago.

6. What were you saying to yourself?

A. I will kill it....chop it into little pieces...that vile thing!

B. Just stressing about life.

C. And then the monkeys landed on the roof and Elmira was scared and then she wobbled and...

D. Vanessa, I just don't know what to do anymore...I wish there was someone...I could talk to....

E. Re-telling a funny thing that happened to you and someone else and laughing about it.

F. I jumped from the tree when I saw it...

7. When something really amuses you, you react with...

A. big appreciated laugh

B. a laugh but not a loud one

C. a quiet chuckle

D. a sheepish smile

7. When you go to a party or social gathering...

A. make a loud entrance so everybody notices you

B. make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

C. make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

8. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...

A. welcome the break

B. feel extremely irritated

C. vary between these two extremes

9. Which of the following colors do you like the most?

A. red or orange

B. black

C. yellow or light blue

D. green

E. dark blue or purple

F. white, brown, or gray

10. Do you like the Numa Numa song?


B. Whats that?

11. Who is your hero?

A. Jack the riper! or Attil the Hun

B. Pewe Herman or Petter Grifin from 'Family Guy'

C. Superman or Spiderman

12. You often dream that you are...

A. falling

B. fighting or struggling

C. searching for something or somebody

D. flying or floating

E. you usually have dreamless sleep

F. your dreams are always pleasant

Monday, August 17, 2009

You Should Pick Your Friends

A good number of people to start with is six counting yourself. You should have a diverse enough group to have different points of view , but not so different that you can't come to an agreement. Keep in mind not every decision will be made by the collective. Face it, you will not have time to deliberate on every little thing so one person needs to be put in a position that allows them to make the quick decisons needed to keep the assemblage safe.

Whether you are in your compound or on the move, your congregation should be chosen wisely. If you do not already know who your company is you should start looking now. I have told you the skill sets you are going to need in a previous post ("A Few Things You Need to Know"), but did not mention that you really need to screen them. I am not saying that you should have a questionnaire or application to weed out evolutions mistakes, but it's not a bad idea. Your battery should be balanced and complement each other. At first I had no intention of making a questionnaire but the more I think about it I believe I am going to write one now.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sweet November

4-days, 3-nights, Co-ed, 18+. Specifically designed for those seeking a longer and challenging training experience. Tents will not be used; students will overnight in improvised shelters. Students may bring plenty of food, utilizing camp fires for dinner and breakfast. Students will extreme hike to their camps, as a group and in two-person teams, using learned map & compass skills. Instruction will include our seven priorities of survival: positive mental attitude, wilderness first aid, shelter, fire craft, signaling, water, and food. Proper knots and lashings will be taught and students will also become very proficient in using a topographic map and compass and, of course, making fire. A complete equipment list will be sent upon registration. This course is a "modern" survival course in that we encourage proper equipment, preparedness, and the capability of rescue within 72-hours.

This November I am going to go for some fun. It was a Christmas gift. I think I know a lot of this stuff, in theory. In practicality no. I will let you know what I think of the school. They mail you a complete list of equipment you will need to bring. I can wait to see what I need to buy.

Monday, August 3, 2009

My Old Home Virginia

Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu traveled to Virginia with his Consort and her brother Minister of Procreation this was not a pleasure trip, it was a crusade against one of PETA'S many base conspiracies. The begetter of Master Irekq's consort, advanced in years as they are should not be left alone so they had to be brought along. They are in no danger while under the umbrella of Irekq of Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu.

The vocation of this excursion was to prevent that villain most vile Ingrid from setting up a human mill (See PUPPY MILL) for food. This may come as a SHOCK to most people but all of PETA's upper crust are not as you may think vegan. They are in fact cannibals. The whole reason for their blitzkrieg against meat eating people is not for the welfare of the animal kingdom, truth be told it make human flesh taste bitter and harder to chew.

Anyway back to the peregrination into the mountains of Virginia to forestall the creation of the human mill. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu alone would have no problem dismantling the project and have it done in expeditiously. Not wanting his consort and her brother the Minister of Procreation to feel unneeded he allows them to come along to keep an eye on their aged progenitors. Besides at their age they need to get out.

The PETA encampment was 10 miles of mountainous terrain from the cabin Master Irekq and his accumulation were staying. The ramble would only take Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu 45 minutes, his 3 minute mile pace would be a little slower for two reasons the topography and he wanted to enjoy the scenery.

Upon his arrival of the bivouac belonging to PETA he quickly and savagely put down the cannibals guarding it. Blowing the place to hell with the proper mixture of house hold chemicals is the next course of action. Besides who does not like a camp fire? Timer set and 5 miles away up cliff side Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu roasts a marshmallow as the mill is burned from the hill side. Maybe next time Ingrid

Monday, July 27, 2009

A Good Stretch of the Legs

As most of you know Irekq Master of the Deadly art of Vinjitzu is not only the deadliest human being on the in existence he is also a paradigm of wilderness survival. Sunday the 173 day of Vinember he was treating himself to a very short constitutional of 6 miles in the Pine Barrens with his consort and her parents, just for fun. It was at mile 3 when he had stop his winged pace to await his company (“Really.” he thought to himself” You must not be angry with them you are the zenith of human prowess. Of course they cannot keep up.") Relaxing on a nearby stump he put Jerry Reed on his IPod and began to listen. He leaned back on the tree closest to him closing his eyes.

As if he were pulled from his seated position into a battle ready stance like a child playing with an action figure. Opening his eyes to view the cross bow bolt griped in his left hand PETA again, will those fools never learn that their entire army is no match for him? Reluctantly he throws the bolt back in the direction that it came from putting it in the arm of his aslant in the tree. Ending a life does not bring Master Irekq pleasure, however aiding in evolution by dispatching this brigand does. This will be over before his consort and her parents catch up. 1 to 2 minutes tops to bring to a conclusion.

The best way to describe the following event is to first ask if you have seen Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Master Irekq bounds up the tree where his target, the veggie protein eating guerrilla rips the bolt from her arm and fires yet another bolt. Quick little Mary, this PETA mercenary is. Quick but not quick enough, Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu gracefully steps on the bolt like it was a stair on his way to his prospective murder. Face to face with the spurious aggressor "Shit you are fast!" is spoken to him. “YUP!" is the reply. Snapping the very tree limb they are on with his feet and like a hacky sack pitching into his grasp, Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu then compresses it into the gullet of his foe. Gracefully descending the tree, limp corpse on his shoulder he finds brush in which he will hide the body from the aged forerunners. His consort is aware of the onslaught against PETA; her parents do not, they are old so why scare them.

Corpse obscured by thicket he rests back on the stump and continues to listen to Jerry Reed. His group catches up unaware of the events that just unfolded. Try again Ingrid! VIVA LA BEEF!!!!!!!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Cutting Edge Journalism.

For hiking as well as the impending onslaught of undead you will need a good pocket knife. The Kershaw 1550st is a good start and happens to be the one I own. Closed it is is 4 1/2 inches long and weights 3.5 ounces. The blade is half serrated at 3 1/4 inches of 13c26 steel. The handle made of polyimide the knife as a whole is pretty well balanced and durable. Assisted opening and thumb screw make operation fast. Liner lock for single handed operation, and the thumb screw is able to be moved for both left and right handed opening. The belt clip is bent out the bottom making it easy to slide into your pocket. I have used the knife pretty hard and it holds its edge nice.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

So Far So Good Continued

Well after using the pack for 3 days in a row I now have an opinion on its performance. I like it. The pocket for the hydration pack was great. I filled the 2 liter bag half with ice then in the morning the remainder of the space was filled with water, because the pocket is insulated on both sides the water was cold all day. I had about 5-6 pounds in the pack, it rested on the small on my back which was OK. I have on issue with the pack the cross strap seems a little high and I am going to lower it. Other wise great for a days hiking.

Friday, July 10, 2009

So Far So Good

Now I do not really think that "THE ZOMBIE ARE COMING!!!". No, really they are so be prepared. Anyway if you are in the market for a hydration/backpack for light hiking I have recently procured a Cloud Walker Camelback brand pack that I think will be to my liking. Shall I tell you more? Ok stop begging... I will.

There are three divisions to the pack. The first is an isolated compartment for water that comes with a 2 liter bag. That feature made me very happy simply because you do not have to disturb the rest of you pack to refill the water. The large compartment is just an open pit. The third demarcation has a small Velcro pouch and 3 pen or pencil type holders. A fragment of this part is open and about 3" deep and wide. The larger part is a deep pocket and is wide open.

Two mesh bottle-type open side subdivisions on the outside, 2 side compression straps and a set of 2 loops on the outside back make it like most packs. The shoulder straps are very padded and thick. They are a mesh and seam to keep you pretty cool. The cross the chest strap is half elastic, nice for now. It is really comfortable but what happens to elastic after a lot of use. Hmm? The whole pack is 1340 cubic inches or 22 liters which is a little under 6 pounds.

I love the separations and all the little pockets, I will let you know how is feels after this weeks hike.

Friday, July 3, 2009

When you gotta go you gotta go

I in this section will go a little more in depth and detail as to what I have in my B.O.P. (Bug Out Pack). You may need to do things a little different. I will start with the most important part the backpack. Osprey Atmos 65. 4,000 cubic inches of volume (65 liter) the pack is good to carry 40 lbs, or 5 days. The Atmos pack is my pack of choice for two reasons; completely vented back and padded shoulder straps. It breaths well, I sweat like an animal.

A rain cover for the pack in a must have, keeps everything dry. Of course the hydration pack is 2 liters. if you want to look for yourself. Key part of your pack is placement of the equipment. You know you need a knife, I have two 10" fixed blade Buck strapped to the left shoulder strap upside down, second is a 4" Kershaw folder half serrated I keep in my pocket. My 36" axe in the stow and go straps on the side of the pack right side. Shovel strapped to the outside of the pack I have a Backcountry 3 trenching shovel, take a look you will like it. In one of the two hip side pouches I have my range finder and compass.

Sigsaur Mosquito 22 long left thigh butt out to be easily grabbed by both left and right hand. The Mossberg 500 Tactical in stainless is on a combat sling in front (weather proof, easy cleaning). Flash light waterproof crank powered, in the other side hip pouch along with flint striker and windproof lighter. Rope is in the pack as well as a camping hammock. Sleeping bag is where it goes on the bottom of the pack. Water filter pump, poncho, dried foods, extra socks, and I may have forgotten I also have a spool of 50 lb test fish line. When you do decide to sleep, up a tree in the camping hammock tied between two trees, 15’ or more in the air.

Keep things Straight

I most likely should have started with this. Biters will not be the only thing you have to worry about. As a matter of fact they will be the least of your worries. The living will is a bigger problem than the undead.

Man (and Woman) is a smart, caring, and understanding creature. People, however suck. Mass hysteria will cause a good person to kill you for a loaf of bread. Look at what happens here in NJ when the news even mentions the word snow. The supermarkets are crazy. Not to mention the villains of the world will have an edge, they already do not care about anyone but themselves.

You must be prepared to do what is necessary to protect yourself and those in your charge. The great strategist Sun Tzu said "The art of war teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him; not on the chance of his not attacking, but rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable." Basically The Boy Scout motto "Be prepared". You know if snow makes people push you out of the way for milk, the rise of all who have expired lurking aimlessly with the sole purpose of devouring you, may cause a little stir.

These lifeless cannibals are easily dispatched, if you have a plan. Remember "Be Prepared!" I will assume you have at least the 20 basics. There is a strategy when it comes the soulless eating machines that is quite simple. Going outside is never to be done alone. Pairs, you always leave the house in pairs. Now keep in mind you have the right learn to use and carry any Malay weapon you like to defend yourself. You also have the right to do it with a little with style. I have a 48 inch broad sword and a 36 inch Eastwing axe; I like them both so I switch it up. When fighting the undead you must keep a minimum distance of 3 feet. It is always best to use your the Malay weapon first. No reloading and quiet. From stated safe distance, simply employ the old "Hey what's over there?" trick. By having your partner lead its gaze away from you so you can decimate the beast’s skull with your weapon with ease.

The silenced .22 caliber pistol should only be used in the case of multiple targets. If and when you are engaged by multiple undead pests, your first course of action is to run like hell! That being said you will at some point have to combat the hordes of man eating behemoths. Maintain a controlled and steady aiming process. It is important to practice a rapid target to target sequence. Two to the head at first, after your skill has improved you may use the one shot one kill method. The untamed masses, panicked public, and the miscreants that want your milk! They are your real nemesis. They will kill you, your family, friends, dog, and burned your house down. That is why you go out carrying the axe, .22, and 12 gauges. The .22 is for the walking dead but it will hurt a normal human most of the time making them cry like a little Nancy!

With the corpses walking around things are not normal. So people may have a little adrenaline pumping through their veins and a bit more aggressive thus the 12 gauge. One shot one kill this time in the chest. Even a man in a flak jacket will be knocked on his ass by buck shot to the chest. The man or woman in the flak jacket will think twice while they are on the back on the ground with you over them with the barrel of your gun in their face. The next step is up to you. You have to LIVE with this decision.

Need a light?

You will need a generator, their size and fuel vary. The size of your compound will determine the Kw rating of said generator. I will cover the most common fuels. First off gas has a shelf life of a few days to several months, problem being you have to have a lot of it in storage and the other fuel types are more efficient. Use regular unleaded gas with at least 85 octane for your gas powered generator. Turn off the generator engine and allow it to cool about 2 minutes before refueling.
Hydrogen Gas has many marvelous qualities, although it is not above thermodynamics, more energy is used in the process of production than produced. This is true of all systems but it is the most efficient. This HHO gas is 3 xs as powerful regular gasoline and its byproduct is pure water.
Propane two main advantages: The fuel is cleaner and when used in generators, will not produce as much toxic fumes that are harmful to the environment. The other is that has just about an indefinite life shelf life. Propane is virtually odorless except for the added rotten-egg smell used to determine leaks and is also nontoxic.
Diesel has to be over hauled every 15,000 hours. Propane or gasoline generators will need to be overhauled in as little as 1,000.Generally for at least 12 months. Diesel engines are built to last many times longer than a gasoline powered engine. Diesels are far more efficient, as well.
Bio-Diesel has many advantages to Petro-Diesel. The main one being cleaner burning fuel that is more environmentally friendly. The next being the use of organic by products as part of the fuel. Another favorable advantage is bio-diesel's high lubricity and solvent attributes that reduce wear and tear. With lower cold weather gelling points, it could be troublesome in very cold weather. Like petro diesel, it is also accompanied by fumes and possibly a unique, pungent odor as well. One of the main drawbacks of bio-diesel is its production of nitrous oxide. This could be a plus if you happen to be a dentist. I say bio-diesel. Just stay alive and you have fertilizer and power.
50 kVA or about 208 amps that just over the average of electrical service of a house is the size of the generator you will need. You cannot run the generator all day; you will simply run out of fuel. What does this mean? Solar panels, wind turbine, and depending on where you place your fortress water wheel. Solar panels that are 59" X 39" X 1 1/2" (5 foot by 4 foot) can produce about 7 amps. You will need about 26 of them to produce the same 208 amps. You do not necessary need all of them because you will most likely not use that much power all at once. A wind turbine is a rotating machine which converts the kinetic energy into mechanical energy. If the mechanical energy is used directly by machinery, such as a pump or grinding stones, the machine is usually called a windmill.
The first utility grid-connected wind turbine operated in the UK was built by the John Brown Company in 1954 in the Orkney Islands. It had an 18 meter diameter, three-bladed rotor and a rated output of 100 kW. Turbines used in wind farms for commercial production of electric power are usually three-bladed and pointed into the wind by computer-controlled motors. Water wheel functions on the same principle as the wind turbine. If you are by a river or other body moving water, and decide to use the water wheel you of course not only will you have power but water and a pumping system.

A few things you may need to know

I realize that I did not cover any of the disciplines in which you will have to be expertly skilled to weather the impending storm. What shall we cover first? Sustenance (hunting,trapping,fishing,farming), Craftsmanship(carpentry,plumbing,electric,sewing,ect.),Medical(self-explanatory), most important Security. I realize that this is a whole lot for one person to learn. That is why you should ally yourself with people that can specialize in one or two of these talents. Example a carpenter that dabbles in plumbing or a hunter that can fish are skills that usually go hand and hand. As a group you should all have a basic understanding of what the others job entails so that you can take care of yourself or replace them should the become infected. If they are too inept to remove there own splinter cut them loose, you do not need them.I will start with the plumbing system. Drinking water, hygiene,and irrigation are what we will be dealing with. The rain water enters the building from the roof top by one main pipe where it splits of into three smaller pipes each with a shut off valve. One to the cistern the other has a leads to the garden. When it is raining open the valve and the handle to the hand pump ( yes I said hand pump something this important you do not want left up to mechanical failure) so the water will flow through to the garden. On any other day you will have to use the pump to irrigate. Simply close the valve that goes to the roof and begin pumping. If the roof valve is not closed water will expel out the roof. Everyone pumps there own drinking water with the aforementioned pumps from my Basics list. You will be on the honor system so that there is enough water to go around. I will discuss "Laws and Punishment of The Honor System" at another time.Now lets talk about hot water. After all who likes a cold shower? Remember I said three smaller pipes. The third pipe is done in black pvc and circles the roof three or 4 times. Side by side so the surface area is bigger causeing the water to be heated by the sun faster. The showers will be on the floor below the garden and timed to conserve water. Kind of like a camp ground bath house. You can have individual shower rooms for the modest, or a military style a big room. This part is a little gross. As if the walking dead is not bad enough people still have to use the bathroom. So what do you do with the waste? Here me out. According to a report published by the International Water Management Institution (IWMI), “Even in areas where other water sources exist, small farmers often prefer wastewater because its high nutrient content reduces or even eliminates the need for expensive chemical fertilizers.” Wastewater sludge contains the same nutrients as commercial fertilizers: nitrogen, phosphorous, and potassium. Here is the link Do your research. As for the urine

Home Sweet Home

If you can you should build a home using this as a guideline. Like all homes we should start out with the foundation. Your normal foundation is going to be 16" wide X 36' deep. Yours is going to be 48" deep slab. The first story of your new fortress is going to be a solid pour of concrete 18" thick. You are going to want this to be 15 to 20 feet high. There is only door 8' X 8' X 3" steel hinged on the inside opening out. Simple locking mechanism a cross bar three of them. Side note your vehicle is to be parked on the inside of that door chain hooked to door and frame of car with tension on it (helps keeps the door from being pulled open). Retractable ladder from first to second floor only one. The second floor exterior walls are concrete filled block. You may use standard wooden construction on the inside of the home. I would keep it simple, but it is your home. Make it comfortable you may be there a while. Use this sight to order your windows and you door if you want roof will be your garden green house ( it should go without saying that the also will be made from the same material as the windows. On this roof you will also have a rain catcher the same system that you would find in Bermuda complete with cistern in the 1st floor. Solar panels for independent power for the location. You definitely do not want to be in New Jersey. The most densely populated state in the union. That makes for a lot of corpses. If you stay you are taking a big chance! I would recommend mid-west or further north. Remember Zombies do not have the sense to come in out of the cold so they will freeze making for easy dispatch. I like to lay them down and play golf. 4!!!!!!!You could always just get a sail boat. You eventually run out of gas. Do not forget the fishing pole.

What time you have left

The bite is first or a scratch. What happens next is as follows. These are scientific medical facts.
Hour 1- Pain and discoloration of the infected area. Immediate clotting of the wound.
Hour 5- Fever between 99 F. and 103 F. Chills, slight dementia, vomiting, and acute pain in the joints.
Hour 8- Numbing of extremities and infected area, increased fever from 103 F to 106 F. increased dementia, loss of muscular coordination
Hour 11- Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness, slowed heart rate
Hour 16- Coma
Hour 20- Cardiac arrest, cessation of brain activity
Hour 23- Reanimation


1- A couple diffrent knives, you get what you pay for. Knives are tools not a weapons and will be useless on zombies.I have 4 a Kershaw "Needs Work" , KA-BAR Becker Tac Tool,  Blast from Latherman, and a 8" Buck fixed blade
2- Leather jacket, a biker one. Bight resistant like the one from Terminator. 
3- Boots, something that comes up to your mid calf. Same reason.
4- Leather work gloves.
5- Silenced 22 caliber pistol, small enough that anyone can fire it and you can carry a lot of ammo. This is for zombies, remember in the head. The silencer is to prevent drawing attention to your location.
6- 12 gauge shot gun, semi-auto or pump. Sure a double barrel has style but 2 shots then reload. This is for the uninfected so they do not steal your stuff.
7- Good may lay weapon no reloading. I recommend Eastwing 36". It is a solid one piece of steal. Has an edge for cutting and a hammer like backside. This is to cause simple blunt force trama. A hard hit is a har hit.
8- Flash light with red colored lens, prevents glare. The optimal choice is one that has a crank instead of batteries.
11- Bouillon cube and dried foods : Enough for 5 days
12- Katadyn Hiker Pro Micro filter one filter are good for 200 gallons depending on the dirtiness of the water at a rate of 1 quart per minute. You also want to treat the water with something. Aquamira water purification tablets is my recommendation. You can always boil the water.( A pot and eating utensils should not have to be mentioned.)
13- 9"x12" 9 mils thick and a 4'x8'  3 mils plastic clothes : Light weight and can be made into a shelter.
14- Short wave and fm radio crank powered
15- Hikers pack with hydration pouch
16- Hat, keep the weather out of your face, your own personal style. Have fun with it. I have ball cap and cowboy.
17- Sun glasses, same reason as a hat.
18- Ultimate Survival Tech. Base  Camp Kit :  Signal mirror, fire starter, camping saw, rescue whistle, wet-fire tinder
19- Compass
20- Range finder, not electronic.
21- 550 cord 200 ft (Paracord 550 lb test)