Monday, July 27, 2009

A Good Stretch of the Legs

As most of you know Irekq Master of the Deadly art of Vinjitzu is not only the deadliest human being on the in existence he is also a paradigm of wilderness survival. Sunday the 173 day of Vinember he was treating himself to a very short constitutional of 6 miles in the Pine Barrens with his consort and her parents, just for fun. It was at mile 3 when he had stop his winged pace to await his company (“Really.” he thought to himself” You must not be angry with them you are the zenith of human prowess. Of course they cannot keep up.") Relaxing on a nearby stump he put Jerry Reed on his IPod and began to listen. He leaned back on the tree closest to him closing his eyes.

As if he were pulled from his seated position into a battle ready stance like a child playing with an action figure. Opening his eyes to view the cross bow bolt griped in his left hand PETA again, will those fools never learn that their entire army is no match for him? Reluctantly he throws the bolt back in the direction that it came from putting it in the arm of his aslant in the tree. Ending a life does not bring Master Irekq pleasure, however aiding in evolution by dispatching this brigand does. This will be over before his consort and her parents catch up. 1 to 2 minutes tops to bring to a conclusion.

The best way to describe the following event is to first ask if you have seen Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Master Irekq bounds up the tree where his target, the veggie protein eating guerrilla rips the bolt from her arm and fires yet another bolt. Quick little Mary, this PETA mercenary is. Quick but not quick enough, Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu gracefully steps on the bolt like it was a stair on his way to his prospective murder. Face to face with the spurious aggressor "Shit you are fast!" is spoken to him. “YUP!" is the reply. Snapping the very tree limb they are on with his feet and like a hacky sack pitching into his grasp, Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu then compresses it into the gullet of his foe. Gracefully descending the tree, limp corpse on his shoulder he finds brush in which he will hide the body from the aged forerunners. His consort is aware of the onslaught against PETA; her parents do not, they are old so why scare them.

Corpse obscured by thicket he rests back on the stump and continues to listen to Jerry Reed. His group catches up unaware of the events that just unfolded. Try again Ingrid! VIVA LA BEEF!!!!!!!

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