Monday, February 15, 2010

Monday, February 1, 2010

9-5

The 32 day of Vinember 2010 finds Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu starting his day is the usual way:

1 Completely satisfying his consort sexually

2 Feed his trusted companion (Maggie the Wonder dog)

3 Disarm bomb set by P.E.T.A. (Ok sometimes it is not a bomb just an ambush)

4 Eat breakfast

5 Then off to work.

This day finds our hero applying his cunning linguistic skills to the sale of Real Estate. His employment as a Real Estate Sales person is a nice distraction from the ongoing battle with P.E.T.A. Plus he likes to keep in touch with the common man. The office opens at 9:00 am and is 5 miles from his abode so there is no need to take his truck,” Just a short stretch of the legs .” he mused to himself as he set out on his way. Even though the office opens at 9 he is always there by 8 liking the peace quite of the building at that hour.

Most of the time there are no cars in the parking lot of the building of what Master Irekq calls his office job. This particular morning there are two work vans and a pick-up truck, not surprising seeing is how an office supply truck backed into the build the week before. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu quickly examines the 8 man construction crew;  odd that there would be a need for a crew of 8 men to patch a 4’ X 8’ section of aluminum siding. Master Irekq begins his process of elimination by numerically placing them in the order in which they will die.

First off a football like tackle to one the legs of the scaffolding, bringing the two men on it top crashing to the black top. One of the two men scream in pain as his femur bone bursts though his skin, he’ll bleed out quickly never to dance again. The second man tucks in and roles out of the way of the falling scaffolding and lands on his feet. Two grab piece of pipe from broken down scaffolding, sticking his foot under the pipe closest to his foot he flicks it into the air. He captures the pole in his hand and whirls it single handedly around his body the way a majorette does their flag. Leveling it off so as to point to the second man from the scaffolding so sees it in his face. He had not seen for very long however as Master Irekq skewered his skull with the metal tube.

The group circled him now. With a slight smirk it is time for number three.  Dead man number two still on the end of his impromptu spear is flung at number three, who was now standing behind him and to the left. The limp carcass collides with its target. This sends him thundering into the wall behind him. The next thing number three saw was oblivion. Number two’s body had hammered into his chest crushing his rib cage and pinned both of them to the side of the building.

        A backhand spring and griping two smaller rodshe pierces numbers four and five abdomens. They drop like lead to their knees, and then fall to the side. It is a slow and painful death for these two. Number six will get off easy, he had decided to bum rush Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu, but instead of the delivering a sucker punch he was met a side step and ridge hand chop to the Adams apple crushing his wind pipe and snapping his neck at the same time. Pivoting to his right Master Irekq eyes seven and eight who are both brandishing pieces of broken down scaffolding and gyrating them like a couple of Shaolin monks. Ok then, this might be fun, he again flips another piece of pipe into his hand with his foot.

          He lets them make the first move. Numbers seven and eight spread out so that there was a good 15 to 20 feet between them. Then as expected they attacked at the same time form there two positions hoping that one of them would get a good shot at Master Irekq’s back. Please; as they charged him, Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu thrusts the length of pipe he was controlling in the asphalt and swings himself 90 degree of the pole and steps off sevens face to kick eight in his. Landing with the grace of a snow flake he waits for them to get back up. Master Irekq did not want this to be over to quickly so he held back on the last two kicks. This takes about 5 minutes.

          The two brigands awoke to Master Irekq standing in front of them less than 4 feet away smiling, Master Irekq had knocked them out. “Well,” he speaks out loud to himself “I guess I don’t know my own strength.” he said but knew it was not true. He had knocked them out on purpose to give him time to put the bodies of the friends into one of the vans. “You two little Sally’s ready to finish this?” They answered by leaping to their feet in some kind of back spin. “Kind of looked like a break dancing move.” he thought to himself. With that he choke up on the length of pipe in his hand, takes a step forward and swings the metal bar like a baseball bat connecting with sevens head send him to the hell that waits for him.

Eight makes a move only to be caught by his hand by Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu griping his wrist and putting him into an arm bar. “Arrrrghhh!” the P.ET.A. pawn screams in pain. Master Irekq now behind him whispers ever so softy and in a maniacal tone declares “I hope you are not left handed.” Then with a jerk shatters every bone in his arm. Pushing his new friend away Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu tells him to get on his way before someone sees him. “Take the van with your buddies in it. And get a doctor to look at that arm.” He tells him.

              Sad thing is Ms. Newkirk does not reward failure and he will be summarily executed. That is the one thing Master Irekq liked about Ingrid. There was only one punishment and that punishment is death. Now if he could only get that Damb house in Bridgeton sold! C'est la vie.