Friday, April 2, 2010

Vinember Fool's Day

Spring is in the air, the sun is shining birds are singing and PETA is evil. Thursday the 90th Day of Vinember the ultimate Vinja is chauffeuring around the enfeebled padre of his consort. The work van of his in-laws Electrical Contracting business loaded with the days materials for the work to be done on the lavish homes of Avalon. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu also passes the time as an electrician with Bob his father in-law. Bob is feeble and easily confused because of his age but he like to go out and “work”. Bobs work day usually goes like this, Master Irekq does all the work and he stands there yelling and confused as to where he is and what he is supposed to be doing. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art Vinjitzu likes to make him feel useful.

So the 90th of Vinember holds a special place in the heart of the Master, it was known as April Fool’s day. Master Irekq loves a good joke so he makes it a point to pull a prank on this day every year. This year as he is working with Bob he also has a prank in mind and a target for his fun. To whom you may ask will the day’s funny be played upon? That fascist despot Ingrid, Master Irekq toys with her on this day just because.

Bob and Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu pull up the obscenely opulent summer home of Ms. Newkirk, she has no idea that the electrician she has is yet one of her nemesis. Or that the reason for the service call in her home is a direct result of Master Irekq sneaking into the house the night before. Bobs walks up to the laughable guards of Casa Da Newkirk and says “Some call for an electrician?” The guard speaks into his wrist then touches his ear nods and lets them through the door.

Once inside Bob is greeted by Ingrid saying “You two are just in time I can’t seem to get my bed room light to work.” Bob replies that what we do, fix stuff like that. “,and chuckles. Ingrid looks Master Irekq up and down the way all woman stare at his strapping body. He smiles she has not be able to identify him for anyone she has sent to do so never returned or was to fearful of him to say anything. Tool bags in hand they are shown to the bedroom of the wench of the world. Bob starts his state of confusion and Irekq begin to play his prank. They are left alone for 35 minutes, plenty of time to set his trap. Faster the light itself he sprints to her kitchen replaces all of the human flesh she has stored in her refrigerator with lamb. Now he is back in the bedroom and “finds “ the problem he caused fixes it tells Bob it is done.

Bob calls for Ms. Newkirk and tells her he fixed the problem and hands her a bill. She pays the $150 bill in cash right then and there and the two are escorted out. Master Irekq drops Bob off at his nursing home and go back to his home to watch the video feed from the camera he placed in the kitchen at Ingrid’s house. He calls to Jess, she comes running thinking she is about to be pleasured. He tells her “Not now. Wait a minute I put the lamb in Ingrid’s fridge.”

“Can’t we have sex while watching it?”

“You know you won’t be able to pay attention.”

“I know, but Please!!!!!!!!!!”

“I will stand here naked. But not touching. OK?”

She reluctantly agrees. And they start to watch the video feed. When the monitor from the lap-top turns on you see Ingrid walking up to her fridge to get some cannibalistic provisions. Grabs a couple of chops and throws them on her stove. She is so stupid she does not even know the food was switched. The meat was merely browned when she pulls it off the grill and begins to stuff her face with the raw meat. The moment the lamb touches the forked tongue and her mouth closes she vomits all over the counter and floor. Laughing in to the microphone Ingrid hears” April Fools Bieatch. “Then the camera explodes into a cloud of dust. On must assume that she will kill all of the guards for this. Jess gives a fake laugh because she is only thinking of one thing and it sure as hell isn’t lamb but it is the old sausage. VIVA LA BEEF!

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