Saturday, January 8, 2011

Mans Best Friend

THE MASTER of Vinjitzu reads books of All subject matters. Just as a matter of Honor the only author he has ever condemned was Stephenie Meyer. She was working with P.E.T.A. He had ended her life for the whole Twoilet veggie thing. This script however, is not about that most betraying of tales. It is however about another kind of tail. The one belonging to the constant, implacable, and nefarious of K-9's. Maggie the Wonder Dog!

It was the morning after Christmas when Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu lay next to his consort after giving her the only present she ever wants. 24 hours of total satisfaction sexually. She was of couce asleep and would be for days. He however was awake reading Terry Prattchets The last Continent, when Maggie jumps up from her slumber looks at her Master then vaults 36 lbs of herself through the bedroom door. It should be said at this point that Maggie The Wonder Dog, as small as she may be, head not reaching more then 24". Master Irekq would NOT like to be on her bad side!

He looks at the hole in the bedroom door and shrugs thinking "I guess she's got it." The tenths of seconds between Maggie erupting through the solid core oak bedroom door and her MASTER knowing what she will do leaves him is trundle still reading Terry Prattchet. Those guys are in for some shit.

As loud as the splintering door was the P.E.T.A. hatch man had only enough time to piss his pants before Maggie had removed the testicles and right hand of the man at the door. The woman behind him that was trying to run away had her neck broken by this "HOUND FROM HELL" as she lepta from the front door and clamping her jowls on the "Bitches" collier and swinging around her head with the force and skill an Army Ranger. She landed on all fours turning to the face the door of  HER home to see her MASTER flick his arm pointing and saying " Go on. Get them." And off  she went after the "Speeding" ford fusion around the corner.

After hearing the crash and explosion here comes Maggie the Wonder Dog with a foot in her mouth. "You're not bringing that in here!" Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu tells her. In a state of defiance she comes up to the driveway the swallows the foot whole and sashays through the door. She better not get the runs. VIVA LA BEEF!

* Turning the corner with the petal to the metal I am craping my pants. I was expecting a man not a 2 1/2' blur of fur. I have never driven in reverse at 25mp before, but after seeing Alex have her head corkscrewed to the point that the snapping of her neck sounded like sequoia being broken in two I knew I had two run. That has to be the way out of here the first right . When I see the end of the cul-de-sac I pull the e break and as soon as I am 180 that is gargoyle charging at me.

* DUMB ASS! I am going to eat your foot. Ok, Here he comes. He has got to doing 20 mph and that windshield is nothing. I can take that out with my paws. So it is an other snap of a neck. Meaning a 180 & 180 on both axis. A push with the right hign leg will level the accelerator and face me the right way. Back through the same hole and a back paw spring over the car and I should have my toy foot. When that little car hits the trash truck that clutch foot should be mine.

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