Twas the Night before Christmas

 
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.



Maggie was tucked in, all snug in her bed,
While visions of dead vegans danced in her head.
Jess in her teddy, Irekq in the buff,
Having just made love Jess had had enough.



When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Irekq jumped from the bed, he knew what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
There were some PETA fools he would have to SMASH!



The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to the mongrels below.
When, what to his knowing eyes should appear,
But 8 stupid vegans attacking the sleigh, wanting to "free" the reindeer.



Out the window, so lively and quick,
Irekq knew in a moment he must save St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his fists and feet came,
And calmly he stated, "You villains are lame."



Now Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen!
Were not held against their will at all.
Irekq will BASH AWAY! BASH AWAY! All.



As dried blood leaves a trail that none can deny
When Irekq fights vegans of course they will die.
So down from the house-top their bodies they flew,
He must slain  the attackers, and save St Nicholas too.



And then, in a twinkling, Jess heard on the roof
The begging and pleading of each little goof.
As he drove a fist into one vegans face, and then turned around,
Irekq saw that St Nicholas was gagged and bound.



He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
His bundle of toys were flung from his back,
Irekq then knew he must get those toys back!



His eyes-how they twinkled! Irekq so merry!
For the dead scoundrels of  PETA Maggie would bury!
This troll little vegan was drawn and quartered just for show,
His blood ran freely on the fresh fallen snow.



The stump an arm was used to knock out some teeth,
And one vegans entrails were used as a wreath.
His foot went through one vegans belly,
Irekq then laughed at pile bowels shaking like a bowel full of jelly!


He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
Irekq then smiled when he saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon Santa knew that he had nothing to dread.


He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And spilled all the gray matter of one PETA jerk.
And crashing his fist into the side ones nose,
Then giving a boot to the nuts, into the sky he rose!


Santa was sprong from his bonds, to his team gave a whistle,
And away Santa flew like a cruse missile.
But Irekq heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and Damn what a fight!"

The will be no more months. All time will be recorded as the number of day in the Vinember of that year.

Convention

Sunday the 182 day of Vinember Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu with Cultural Chairman in tow graced the Philadelphia Convention Center with his presence. He had aloud some of the greatest artists and writers of our time to put on a show for him and the Chairman.

Tom Savini ( I do not use this word lightly) Master of F/X make-up was given the privilege of meeting Master Irekq and his Cultural Chairman. He was honored the the Chairman took time to see him, but the fact that he was able to kiss the hand of Master Irekq was the culmination of his life's dreams.

As every great leader had an inspiration for his life's work so did Master Irekq. A writer who in Master Irekq's fact ( He does not have opinions his words are facts ) the greatest writer of all time. His works have served as a base guide line for Master Irekq's manifesto and have helped him to save the lives of many of the worlds profane. This man is Maxx Brooks.( Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z ) Maxx was so pleased to see Master Irekq that he begged to have a picture taken with him. The gracious man that he is Master Irekq granted this request and signed it for him. The Chairman was moved by the happiness that this had brought Maxx, both Maxx and the Chairman had tears of joy in their eyes.

There were many other talented authors and infiltrators and toy makers all clambering to have there works seen by Master Irekq and his Chairman that a deli counter type ticket machine had to be employed. Have no fear all were seen and few of the works were not up to the Chairman and by default Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu's standards. Those few were burned on sight never to disgrace the earth again, the creators of said works were beaten for the time that they had wasted in making suck trash.

Humbling Thunder

As it is public knowledge that Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu is a wilderness survival expert, he still likes to humble himself by taking lessons from others. Thus the Trip to Mountain Shepherd Survival School, disguised ofcorce as to not intimidate the instructor a man named Reggie Bennett. Reggie was an instructor of the United States Military S.E.R.E. training and program given to all pilots as well as the different branches Special Forces (Rangers , Seals, Ect). That being said Mr. Bennett is well qualified to teach a course on the subject of survival to the average person and to give Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu a nice refresher.


All would have been fine, nice relaxing 4 days of sleeping under the stars cooking over a campfire and watching Reggie teach your run of the mill white collar how to tie knots and make fire. But, as the saying goes “No rest for the wicked” PETA will not allow a moments rest for our protagonist thus the relaxing 4 day jaunt turned into 4 days of terror for the others of the survival class and just another bunch of Veggie Protein eating miscreants the will not see another dawn for daring to muddle in the affairs of Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu.

The day started like you would imagine it would 5 strangers meeting their instructor and each other for the first time. Reggie introduced himself and asked how everyone was feeling; he did not want to take someone who is sick in to the wild and have their condition worsen making them a liability. After the group proclaiming that their health was good Bennett ask who has any medical training, normally Master Irekq would have the most knowledge of the subject but he was the as a profane and would differ to the instructor.

What happened next was not a surprise to Irekq but more like a “You have got to be kidding me!” moment for he now has to not only slaughter the herbivorous marauders of a PETA Death squad but he must also save the lives of the others in his group as well as the instructor. Well as you may have guessed once the group had arrived and their campsite so 100 miles from the nearest outhouse. The first shot was fired tearing almost in two the left shoulder of the 30 something school teacher who taking the course with her husband. As she screamed in agony the others hit the dirt.

The pain of a 7.62 mm (308 Remington) exploding threw ones shoulder is not to be taken lightly Irekq knows this pain having shot himself so that he would be able to show some compassion to who ever had the discourtesy of being shot in his presence. Reggie screams “STAY DOWN!! And someone put pressure on that wound.” Looking into Reggie’s eyes Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu speaks volumes about the situation. “You’re Him. Aren’t you? “is Reggie’s query. With a nod Master Irekq tells Mr. Bennett to wait for his signal then to make off the same direction of the first shot.

Understanding his purpose now Reggie will see to it that the others in the group are well hidden and safe for the carnage that is about to unfold. With the grace of a swan and an uncanny amount of speed and agility Master Irekq heads for the reprobate that just shot a woman in the back. Quickly he is spotted, the offender is 600 yards atop the adjacent ridge not a bad shot. The sniper was removed from his perch by the camping axe Master Irekq torpedoed into his shin. Taking his cue Reggie along with the others in the party help the injured woman by carrying her in the underbrush to better address her wound. The bullet went through the dainty frame of the woman and was bleeding profusely an application of Quick Clot and a pressure dressing has the team on the way to disappearing from sight. Normally Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu would want to keep them with him to keep them safe, but Reggie Bennett Mountain Shepherd would keep them hidden and tend to their fragile minds.

Once he was upon the despicable disgrace of a human Master Irekq asked “How many?” applying pressure to the head of the axe sticking out of his shin. “Arrrrghhh!” was the only reply. Again the question “How many?” is put forth this time it is punctuated with the camping axe being ripped from the blackguards one shin and plunged into his other. The number 6 is what is heard. “Is that including you?” Master Irekq queries. “. “Yes!” whimpers this sad creature. Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu nods and says “5” as the camping axe relieves the neck of the burden of his head.

Like all normal healthy people Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu has an interest in firearms so looking over this would be assassin’s weapon and knowing it to be Mauser 86 SR sniper rifle made in Germany he has an idea. After all it is hunting season. Over the course of the next 3 days Master Irekq toys with the others sent to kill him putting a bullet into their empty, thoughtless Vegan brains. Who does not like a little target practice?

Finding Reggie and the others held up in a very discretely hidden shelter some 7 miles from where it all began Master Irekq informs the group that it is all going to be ok the villain who shot the woman will no longer burden the Earth with his useless existence. No questions were asked as Master Irekq’s demeanor answered any they might have had. They knew he had done what needed to be done. Reggie of course wanted to refund the groups money but they all seemed to think that someone getting shot not withstanding this was a once in a life experience and was worth the price. As a whole the 5 men and one woman in took a vow of silence on the subject never to speak of it again.

Well there you go Ingrid you did so something good after all. Maybe there is so hope for you yet? VIVA LA BEEF!!!

Humble Thunder

The course I took in Virginia was a blast. The instructor (Reggie Bennett) really knew his stuff. I learned a lot and confirmed what it is that I thought I knew. Reggie was an instructor of S.E.R.E. (Survival Evasion Resistance Escape) training which is what every pilot and the different (Rangers & Seals, ect.) Special Forces go through. He had told us from the start that four days does not an expert make, admitting that he is still learing something new everyday.


He said the four days he had with us he would give us the basic tools in a kind of crash course but there is a lot to know so you should never go out with out being prepared. He instructed us in the Seven Priorities of Survival which are positive mental attitude, first aid, shelter, fire craft, signaling, water, and food. The knot tying was funny there were at least three of the knots that he taught us I had been doing for a long time but I did knot know that they had real names.

I did sleep in a shelter and bed that I had made from leaves and yes it was cold. I was instructed on snaring animals from a squirrel to a deer, how to find the proper place to set the traps and what to set them with. He went over what you should never go hiking and or camping with out just in case. I had a ball.

Disaster Knives??

I was reading Blade (not the half vampire) magazine, it is a magazine about knives and knife makers. Hey, I know what you thinking “Are you kidding me? A knife magazine? “. You are most likely not surprised that I was reading such a magazine but, the fact that there is one. Anyway there was an article on “Disaster Knives” suggested that not only that you have a “Disaster Knife” but that you should also have an assortment of cutlery, different knives for different needs. Now what they are calling a disaster knife is nothing more a chisel tipped dive knife. The article also states that the rescue community has also embraced this type of knife for the reason that it is quite a useful tool, I will explain.
The knife is full tang (one sold piece of metal) in it construction with a serrated back edge and as I said has a chisel tip about an inch in width. The bottom of the handle has a striking point on its pommel, allowing you to hit it with something without destroying the handle. What is it good for? You may ask. You can split small timber for firewood and because of most of them are made out of tool steal they can be used as a pry bar. On the one that I have is about 5 ½ inches so it is a descent size blade but by no means a Bowie.
The reason I bring that up fact that it is a dive knife is that “Disaster Knives” seem to cost a little more. Funny how if the word disaster is put on something’s title and the cost goes up. Example , if you were to look up a first aid kit for your home it would cost one thing but if you were to find a “Disaster First Aid Kit” with the same things in it more than likely it will cost more. I will be bringing said Disaster Knife with me on my trip to Virginia to give it a try.

Rules of Engagement

1. SELF DEFENSE HAS NO RULES - In a life or death situation rules go right out the window. You need to use everything at your disposal to stop your attacker. Eye gouging, biting, throat strikes, & groin attacks are all the standard fight techniques of Vinjitzu . That is what it takes to win!

2. Don’t Put yourself in Bad situations – Avoiding conflict is just common sense, but all too often people seem to forget this most basic of rules.. Remember you do not have the skills of Irekq Master of the Deadly Art of Vinjitzu so to truly defend yourself means to avoid the conflict in the first place.

3. Confidence -The study of Vinjitzu will aid you with this. Believe it or not an attacker can smell your fear from a mile away, criminals are experts at picking the right victim. Criminals tend to go after people who they feel are weak and or vulnerable to attack.

4. Stay Aware – Vinjas are experts at body language. How an aggressor is standing, looking or motioning can give you clues as to what he is about to do.

5. Control the situation – Don’t react, ACT. The person who can control the situation is usually the person that will come out on top.

6. Hurt them first – If a fight is unavoidable, hurt them first and hurt them bad. Your goal is to destroy your attacker physically and defeat anyone who may be thinking about joining the fight.

7. Get Away - As soon as you can, get away….. Far away!
Don’t let your ego get you killed; remember if you’re dead you didn’t win the fight.